Real People Sick

“You don’t look like someone who’s sick”

“You’ve been doing so well in the class. I had no idea you were having health issues”

Sentences that have been said to me in the past month that were meant to be complements. I can appreciate that, but it’s also a painful reminder that diabetes and everything else I deal with is invisible. It’s a reminder that for most being sick, means having outward signs. It’s why I use the term “real people” sick to reference common illnesses. Getting pneumonia? Thats real people sick. Acting like a human pancreas? That’s just my normal.

Maybe it’s because April was full of “real people sick” adventures. The month started with pneumonia. In true nurse fashion I blew it off for a week before finally admitting it was more than allergies. It was my first experience with steroids and diabetes. Happy to report the steroids did not cause as much havoc on my blood sugar as I expected. After two rounds of antibiotics and steroids I recovered from pneumonia.

April ended with getting my gallbladder out (Good Riddance, Gary!). Everything went well, but my one take away is that even highly skilled medical staff do not understand much about diabetes management if it is not their specialty. My endo gave me a plan for surgery that was fairly simple. Just put my pump in exercise mode once I was NPO. Luckily I got to keep my pump and dexcom on for surgery. Of course diabetes decided to pull out all the stops to be difficult. I had my pump and dexcom on my arm for surgery and somehow knocked my site off in the morning while getting ready. I did not realize it until a few hours later while waiting to go back to preop when I smelled the smelly smell of insulin leaking. Between that, being NPO in the morning when I am most insulin resistant, and anxiety my blood sugar was sky high. Plus my sensor was not the best and kept saying error. Everyone was surprised my blood sugar could rise so much after just a few hours without insulin. That’s how this works. Patrice really has spot on timing. Luckily it all worked out and anesthesia was ok still doing surgery.

I had to explain my pump/dexcom system to everyone. Down to what the arrows on my dexcom meant and how to disconnect my pump from my body. Like y’all I am about to be unconscious. You’re gonna have to figure this out cause I won’t be able to manage it. When I woke up my pump was disconnected because I had gone low at some point. Clearly my short tutorial did not get communicated because they thought they had stopped the insulin delivery. Nope. You just unhooked me. Lol.

I also distinctly remember the post-op RN being concerned I might accidentally bolus myself while high as a kite (2mg of dilaudid when you’re narcotic naive is a bit much) and I had to groggily explain that that wouldn’t happen.

I genuinely have trust in the people who work in the medical system. This was first time I had some pause. I am the patient who can accurately give you a detailed account of their medical history. From medications I am on to when I last had necessary routine monitoring tests done. I can’t help but think how things would have gone if I wasn’t as engaged and educated. It made me even more passionate about making sure patients understand their diagnosis and everything that comes along with it. When you have chronic medical conditions you absolutely need to be able to give a detailed history. It’s something as health care providers that we don’t spend enough time on. This is for many reasons. Mainly the system doesn’t give us the time to do it.

For some levity here are some post-op quotes from me…

“Is Gary gone?”

“I am high as fuck right now.”

“I can’t believe people actually want to feel like this.”

“Can I go back to sleep?”

“Do you want some graham crackers?” – RN “I can try” – me **proceeds to struggle to bring graham crackers to mouth and chew. As well as miss my mouth with the straw from my water**

Honestly y’all, I was awake but mentally I was on a different planet. There were no thoughts behind my eyes. I am very thankful that pain medication doesn’t make me sick like it does for some people.

At this point I am 100% done with “real people sick” and really any kind of sick. I am way too familiar with the outpatient clinic building at the hospital where all my providers are. At an appointment recently the RN was explaining where the lab was. I wanted to say girl, I have practically lived here the last few months”. Instead I just nodded knowingly trying to clue her in that I knew where it was.

Alas, May and June will be full of more appointments for my chronically ill self. So I will carry on and do what I need to do. Even though I have absolutely no desire to go to another appointment for the rest of the year.

In typical fashion I’ll end this with a song quote.

“Cause I’m a real tough kid. I can handle my shit. They said, “Babe, you gotta fake it till you make it” And I did.”