KC Strong

This is not a post about diabetes or chronic illness or health care. Since it’s my blog though, I’ll write what I want. So here it goes…

I was not born and raised in Kansas City, but after 7.5 years it’s safe to say it is my home. It is hard to describe what makes this place so great to people who don’t live here. I have never seen a city as proud and loyal as Kansas City. I always joke that when I’m flying home I know I am at the right gate because someone is inevitably representing KC. Even before the city started getting so much media attention. It’s also a small a big town. Everyone knows everyone or you can find a mutual connection very easily. Basically it a tight knit community. For example I know multiple people who know the family of the victim.

I think most people understand on some level that we live in a world where gun violence is a reality. It can happen anywhere. When it’s your people and your city it’s different though. By the grace of God and the fact I had to work, I was not at the parade. We had it on at work and watched in disbelief as it happened. All I could say and think was “no, no, no, no. Not here. Not now.” It was like watching one of your worst fears happen right in front of you and not being able to do anything. That’s how I felt just watching. I can’t imagine how the people who were there felt.

As a nurse I felt helpless. I may know CPR, but I’m not an ED nurse or an EMT. My skills weren’t needed. All I could do was maintain business as usual so those with the proper skills could use them and save lives. I hate that I’m relieved only 1 person died. We all know it could have been worse. I hate that I have to say I am proud of how the Chief of Police, the Mayor, and all the first responders handled the situation. Or how I am thankful that it occurred so close to 2 of our major trauma centers.

The fact that 9 of the victims were kids breaks my heart. A friend made the comment “Think about the next active shooter drill they have to do at school”. That cut me deep. Those kids will survive physically, but now have to carry that emotional burden. I know someone whose teenager has now experienced 2 events like this. That is so hard to wrap my head around. It breaks my heart. So many kids were there and had what should have been a positive core memory tainted.

I don’t have all the answers, but I think it’s time to try something. Anything. all I know is I don’t want to have to scan Instagram stories checking to see if people are ok ever again. I don’t want to have to run through a mental list of people I need to check on ever again. I don’t want to have to respond to my own messages being checked on ever again.

What hurts the most is how such an exciting and happy day turned into a tragedy. Forever tainted. Watching police respond while wearing superbowl champion hats is surreal. Watching news anchors describe a tragedy while still wearing red and decked out in Chiefs gear is surreal. Seeing #KCstrong is surreal. Seeing fundraisers for your city is surreal.

I am heartbroken and sad. I may have written a lot of words here, but I could have said more. I also could have said less because no amount of words can express my feelings. I love this city and the people here. I know we will get through this. I just hate that we are now part of the list.